Nothing
April 29, 2012 in Uncategorized
So. I’ve been thinking about this topic quite a bit today. I don’t really know why. It’s a common conversation amongst men and women. I feel the need to weigh in on it. Here we go….
Here’s a scenario for you:
My husband and I are sitting on the couch. I am doing a multitude of things to keep my mind occupied. I’m on the internet, I’m channel surfing, I’m checking deets on my phone, etc etc.
My husband is looking out the window. He has been for the last 3 minutes. His eyes are focused on some point, and he has an intent look on his face.
I become curious. I say to him, “Whatcha thinkin bout?”
Hub: *shrugs* “Nuthin.”
Me: *stares at him* “No, really. What are you thinking about?”
Hub: *blank expression* “Really. Nothing.”
LIES. THIS IS LIES.
Here’s what I think: I think that men have got some kind of world-wide agreement/conspiracy where this little lie is concerned. I can not be convinced in any way, shape, or form that the male brain actually goes blank for longer than, say, 2 seconds. I do not believe it. Nope. It’s bull. Horsehockey. Poo-poo. Nope. Nuh-uh.
The female brain is like a constant game of ping-pong. Back and forth, back and forth, all day long. But, instead of 1 little ball, there are about 100. And it’s like this ALL THE TIME.
This is why, when my husband and I are conversing, he is sitting there quietly listening with wide eyes, while I bounce from topic to topic. I can cover 253 topics in approximately 4.2 minutes. Once I finish, he politely smiles and says, “Wow. You so have ADD.”
lol
Nope. I don’t. I’m just a girl.
Because the human brain is the human brain, whether it be male or female, I can not be convinced that it is capable of zero thoughts.
Therefore, when he says “nothing”, here’s what I’m thinking:
“He’s got to be thinking something! He’s lying! Why is he lying?? He must not want me to know what he’s thinking! Is he thinking something bad? Is he thinking something bad about me? What could he be thinking bad about me? Is he thinking I’m fat? Is he thinking about the wrinkles I’m starting to get? Wait……is he thinking about boobs???? If he is, he DAMN WELL BETTER be thinking about MY boobs! Is he worrying about something? If he’s worrying about something why doesn’t he tell me what it is? Is he hiding something from me? He must be! What is he hiding? Wait….could he really be thinking about nothing. *mental mind pause while I consider this* Nope. No way in hell is his mind actually void of thought. He’s got to be thinking something bad that he doesn’t want to share. It’s either A) Boobs, B) a secret, or C) none of my damn business. All of these options are completely unacceptable.
So, these are the things I think, but this is what I say:
Me: *purses my lips* “Okay. FINE.”
Hub: *holds out hands, palms up, in the universally known physical expression of saying “WHAT THE HELL”. “Why are you mad at me?”
Me: “I’m not mad.”
Hub: *getting annoyed* “Yes, you are.”
Me: “You don’t want to tell me what you’re thinking.”
Hub: *sighs* “Okay. I was thinking about work.”
Me: “Oh, okay.” *goes back to channel surfing*
BUT HERE’S THE THING:
I don’t believe he was actually thinking about work. I think he just said he was thinking about work to content me and to shut me up.
I am certain of this.
Now….this probably makes me sound really uptight. Please let it be known that we haven’t had a conversation like this in a REALLY long time. For 2 primary reasons. A) The hub usually has some kind of device to occupy his attention, thereby eliminating his “stare out the window” moments and B.) If he does have a “stare out the window” moment, I no longer ask him what he’s thinking about. I gave up on that question years and years ago.
And quite honestly, if he’s thinking about something that he doesn’t feel like he can share with me, I probably don’t want to know. However, it annoys me that he’s thinking about something that would upset me if I knew he was thinking it. I mean really, he shouldn’t be thinking about things that would upset me if I knew he was thinking them. RIGHT? He should only think thoughts that he could openly tell me he’s thinking. RIGHT?
Is that it? Yeah. I guess I’m done.
Dear men of the world,
I will one day expose your LIES.
Sincerely,
A woman that is ON TO YOUR DECEPTION.
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Ok…put your listening ears on. This is your older and much wiser sister talking.
I do believe he was thinking about nothing. I believe men can go for long streches of time (like days) without thinking about anything signifigant.
And if he was having a thought…it was about boobs. I knew it….Morgan is a lying boob thinker too. Men are animals. If I sat and thought about nothing for more than a minute, my brain would turn to mush and run out my ears. Oh by the way…we are about to eat the fish that Morgan helped Chance to catch. Tell the boob thinker I said “thanks for catfish”.
Haha, Pam… yes, men and boobs lol
I have to admit though, I do this to Gerry. Usually, I say “nothing” when I just can’t be bothered talking
I have a very unusual man on my hands. He tells me that we should turn off the TV and “communicate” … What?!
Lisa….I so do this to Morgan and it makes him insane. I’ll be talking, and suddenly, I get tired of talking, lose interest in the topic, or I get inturrupted by kids. Instead of finishing what I was saying, I just……stop talking.
Morgan will look at me and say, “What were you saying?” And then I say….”Nothing” and I like wave my hand at him to signal “I’m done with this conversation”. Drives him nuts. lol
As far as the boobs thing goes………Morgan has had me convinced for roughly the past 10 years that he never thinks of boobs other than mine. I really believe him. I think this makes me one of three things……. 1.) A very trusting wife that only believes the absolute best about her husband. 2.) So insecure that I’ve deluded myself into believing this is the case. 3.) Really stupid.
Penny and Lisa,
I was in a bad situation the other day involving this topic. A few days ago, my hubby went into great detail explaining something he was working on in his shop. Well after about 10 minutes, I “zoned out”. A couple days later, I made the mistake of asking what he was doing in his shop. After he said “I told you about this the other day” about 3 times, my little secret was exposed. Things got a little heated. He asked me to repeat what I told him about a certain thing and I blew it. Big time. I hate it when he tests me. *Note to self* Try to pay attention when my hub talks about insulation for 15 minutes. I want to be an attentive wife. I really do. But dang, he was talking about cutting wood and insulation. I must do better. I’m going to try. Am I at fault? Please tell me what you think? It’s a good thing he doesn’t read this. I certainly don’t need him to see my admission of guilt.
Um, Pam, this is bull.
I’ll tell you why……………. If i were to start talking excessively to Morgan about camera shutter speed, or all the eyeshadow colors within a certain collection, or a series of books I’d read……I would not be mad at him if he failed the oral exam I gave him over those topics 3 days later. If the situation was reversed, he wouldn’t care if I couldn’t repeat whatever man-crap he had told me.
Men and women are interested in different things. Mike seems to think that you are interested in everything he is, but he doesn’t have to listen about the things you wanna talk about.
I see three solutions: 1.) MIke can realize that you are simply being nice to him by trying to listen to his long explanations of man-crap, and he can appreciate that in itself, and not get mad when you fail the oral exam on the topic he was explaining. Or, 2.) You can start listening very intently and carefully when he begins talking about man-crap, and you can learn alot. However, the only way this will be fair is if Mike listens to everything you say about girl-stuff just as intently, and he learns everything you want to teach him. 3.) Mike is told that you really give no sh*ts about wood and insulation, and he can stop getting mad at you when you glaze over.
OR, you can do what I do. You can say, “Honey, you are explaining this topic in great length and I do not give one sh*ts about it, so if you keep talking I am not responsible for how much I hear.” lol Morgan loves that. NOT. BUT, it is honest. I think it’s better to be upfront about it.
Okie doke. Time for me to add my two cents. 95% of the time I’m staring off, I am not thinking of nothing. I may be thinking of a multitude of things that are insignificant and not worth noting or conversing about. Also I may be thinking of what penny affectionately refers to as “man crap”, this too is not worth conversing over. On boobs. There are different kinds of men in this world ( contrary to some peoples belief that all men are the same ). I am NOT some perv that sits around thinking of random womens boobs, some men do, I do not. I am very happy and satisfied with my wife and the body parts that belong to her, therefore I do not feel the need to drool over and fantasize about others. People try to discredit me, but anyone that knows me will tell you that when I am happy with something, I am not always searching for something else, I am content and happy with what I have, and need nor want anything else.
Morgan,
No question about…you’re a fine guy and an excellent BIL. Chance thinks your pretty okay too. Probably because you have boats…
Anyway, I believe everything that you said, except for the stuff you lied about.
And…my life is only complete when you are around to pick on. Also remember that you are writing you two cents on a blog written by a woman and read by women. It’s open season on our men folk here.
Your favorite SIL,
Pam
This is all getting very interesting
Pam, perhaps it’s time Mike to undergo a pop quizz on “girl stuff”? Mmmm?
Morgan, I contrast you with the owner of the ute (truck) that passed me this morning with a 4 inch high sticker on his back window that spanned the entire window…. it said: “Boobies make me smile”.
Interesting for sure.
The dude in the ute ( I love that word BTW)….please tell me you ran him off the road and he rolled down a steep ravine which caused his window to shatter, thereby ruining his sticker. This happened, right?
I wanted to take a photograph on my phone so I could show you after your post yesterday …. lol… but alas, I was driving
I have to admit that it is indeed possible to think about absolutely nothing because I do it all the time. If I’m a woman and doing it then it’s definitely possible for males to do it too. Probably not the best for our minds to be going blank but I like to think it adds character.