April 29, 2012 in Uncategorized
So. I’ve been thinking about this topic quite a bit today. I don’t really know why. It’s a common conversation amongst men and women. I feel the need to weigh in on it. Here we go….
Here’s a scenario for you:
My husband and I are sitting on the couch. I am doing a multitude of things to keep my mind occupied. I’m on the internet, I’m channel surfing, I’m checking deets on my phone, etc etc.
My husband is looking out the window. He has been for the last 3 minutes. His eyes are focused on some point, and he has an intent look on his face.
I become curious. I say to him, “Whatcha thinkin bout?”
Hub: *shrugs* “Nuthin.”
Me: *stares at him* “No, really. What are you thinking about?”
Hub: *blank expression* “Really. Nothing.”
LIES. THIS IS LIES.
Here’s what I think: I think that men have got some kind of world-wide agreement/conspiracy where this little lie is concerned. I can not be convinced in any way, shape, or form that the male brain actually goes blank for longer than, say, 2 seconds. I do not believe it. Nope. It’s bull. Horsehockey. Poo-poo. Nope. Nuh-uh.
The female brain is like a constant game of ping-pong. Back and forth, back and forth, all day long. But, instead of 1 little ball, there are about 100. And it’s like this ALL THE TIME.
This is why, when my husband and I are conversing, he is sitting there quietly listening with wide eyes, while I bounce from topic to topic. I can cover 253 topics in approximately 4.2 minutes. Once I finish, he politely smiles and says, “Wow. You so have ADD.”
Nope. I don’t. I’m just a girl.
Because the human brain is the human brain, whether it be male or female, I can not be convinced that it is capable of zero thoughts.
Therefore, when he says “nothing”, here’s what I’m thinking:
“He’s got to be thinking something! He’s lying! Why is he lying?? He must not want me to know what he’s thinking! Is he thinking something bad? Is he thinking something bad about me? What could he be thinking bad about me? Is he thinking I’m fat? Is he thinking about the wrinkles I’m starting to get? Wait……is he thinking about boobs???? If he is, he DAMN WELL BETTER be thinking about MY boobs! Is he worrying about something? If he’s worrying about something why doesn’t he tell me what it is? Is he hiding something from me? He must be! What is he hiding? Wait….could he really be thinking about nothing. *mental mind pause while I consider this* Nope. No way in hell is his mind actually void of thought. He’s got to be thinking something bad that he doesn’t want to share. It’s either A) Boobs, B) a secret, or C) none of my damn business. All of these options are completely unacceptable.
So, these are the things I think, but this is what I say:
Me: *purses my lips* “Okay. FINE.”
Hub: *holds out hands, palms up, in the universally known physical expression of saying “WHAT THE HELL”. “Why are you mad at me?”
Me: “I’m not mad.”
Hub: *getting annoyed* “Yes, you are.”
Me: “You don’t want to tell me what you’re thinking.”
Hub: *sighs* “Okay. I was thinking about work.”
Me: “Oh, okay.” *goes back to channel surfing*
BUT HERE’S THE THING:
I don’t believe he was actually thinking about work. I think he just said he was thinking about work to content me and to shut me up.
I am certain of this.
Now….this probably makes me sound really uptight. Please let it be known that we haven’t had a conversation like this in a REALLY long time. For 2 primary reasons. A) The hub usually has some kind of device to occupy his attention, thereby eliminating his “stare out the window” moments and B.) If he does have a “stare out the window” moment, I no longer ask him what he’s thinking about. I gave up on that question years and years ago.
And quite honestly, if he’s thinking about something that he doesn’t feel like he can share with me, I probably don’t want to know. However, it annoys me that he’s thinking about something that would upset me if I knew he was thinking it. I mean really, he shouldn’t be thinking about things that would upset me if I knew he was thinking them. RIGHT? He should only think thoughts that he could openly tell me he’s thinking. RIGHT?
Is that it? Yeah. I guess I’m done.
Dear men of the world,
I will one day expose your LIES.
A woman that is ON TO YOUR DECEPTION.